remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
