I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
