he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
