So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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