i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
