Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
