Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
