Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
