sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dear god my vagina.
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