The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize