The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
