i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
