Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.