Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
