I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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