Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
