I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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