True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
