you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
