I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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