i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize