i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize