Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
