tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
