I like my sex mixed with concussions.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
