omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize