its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
