Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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