Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
