Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
