I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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