i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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