Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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