Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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