I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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