if i died would you start the facebook group?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
