and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
