I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
