Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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