I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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