Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
