My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
