I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
