addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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