Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
