this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
