Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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