Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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