Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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