i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it hurts more in the daytime
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
