How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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