I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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