I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
