I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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