I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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