I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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