like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
