I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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