I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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