My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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