I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
