no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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