grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
