He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
