he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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