two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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