Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
