He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
