I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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