dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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