Having a random hookup so left but love u
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
