Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
