do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
