Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
