I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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