I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
