I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
