He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
