So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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