There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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