I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
