I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
