Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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