I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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