So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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