Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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